by Diana Wayne
Michael Anthony Dunn, 13, was the baby of the family, born a few minutes after his twin sister Bethany. He never strayed far from her. As the only boy, he was his father Anthony’s best friend. His sister Megan, 15, appreciated him in her own way. “He was so immature,” she says with a smile. He had the look teenage girls adore—long wavy brown hair, beautiful eyes and a mischievous grin. Michael was a sensitive, caring and loving young man who excelled at making friends and whose priority was spending time with his family and enjoying life. He belonged to a family who smiled and laughed a lot.
When they lost this cherished boy in an accident in December, they couldn’t understand why this would happen to their family. They felt that well-meaning family and friends could never understand their grief, hard as they might try. And they came to realize that each of them would grieve differently. His mother Chris needs to talk about Michael as often as possible. Megan wants to be able to speak about Michael in the present tense. Bethany says, “I try not to think about it much.”
When a school counselor told Chris that Haven Hospice offered a day camp to support grieving kids, she was glad to hear it but surprised. “You truly just think of hospice as end-of-life care,” she said, “and I was wondering, ‘Why is Haven Hospice doing this?’”
“The emotional pain related to grief is immense,” says Haven Bereavement Counselor Vonceil Levine, who coordinates Haven’s Healing Hearts program and Camp Safe Haven to support families through their grief. Grieving people know that unless you’ve experienced the loss of a child, a very young person or a sudden loss, you can only imagine how it feels. The Dunn family is very clear about this: Michael’s sudden death at a premature age sets them apart—particularly from those who have had time to anticipate or prepare for a loss. “Families who are grieving need for others to understand that not all losses are the same and that no one grieves in the same way,” Vonceil adds. “Children do not grieve like adults do.”
Chris wanted Megan and Bethany to attend Camp Safe Haven so they could meet other kids who had experienced a loss and would understand what they were feeling. But they were reluctant to go. The family would be driving from Trenton to Jacksonville, and the girls had some trepidation about spending the day with kids they didn’t know. Vonceil understands their concerns. “People think if they go to Camp Safe Haven, they’re going to cry all day. But we let them do their thing.”
“Their thing” is doing the usual fun activities kids like to do at camp—playing games, gathering round a campfire—but preferably with kids they know. It comforted Megan enormously to take her best friend Jessica along. “You don’t know people or what to expect and you’re on an emotional roller coaster,” Megan said. “It’s comforting to turn and see your ‘Bestie,’ as she affectionately calls Jessica. Bethany took Hayden, “one of my good guy friends,” she says, who was Michael’s best friend.
Camp Safe Haven was good for both girls. Bethany especially enjoyed an activity that required the group to hoist a ball into the air using a blanket. Megan noted, “I liked knowing that other people have gone through what we have and know how we feel.” ‘You have to talk about it eventually so you may as well get it over with. |
